The star of the Bristol Bears, Simi Pam, acknowledges that she thought about giving up rugby after a devastating ankle injury destroyed her hopes of playing for her country.
The prop competed at the international level in athletics before switching to rugby.
Pam had made a name for herself in the front row for the Bears, and she was hopeful that this year would bring her international recognition.
Rather, during the second round of the Allianz Premiership Women’s Rugby, she sustained a syndesmosis injury that required a prolonged period of rest.
Having made it back, she missed out on selection for the Six Nations with the Red Roses, leaving her to ask questions about her future in the sport.
She said: “Literally about a month ago I had an existential crisis where I thought ‘why am I doing this’?
“I’m exhausted all the time, even though I’d been injured I was really hoping to have some involvement with the Six Nations squad. When that didn’t happen, I think it hit me harder than I thought it would.
“I just thought ‘what’s the point’? I’m basically killing myself and it feels like it’s not paying off at that time.
“I had to sit myself down and say right, you can stop playing or you can scale back massively. I had to ask myself what is it that you want, what is it you enjoy?
“First of all, I love playing at Bristol, I love the team. I love our team culture and environment.
“I think a big part of why I’ve been struggling had been off the back of an injury. Not feeling like I can do the things that I really like doing on the pitch but that will come with time.”
Pam needed an operation after the injury to her ankle, fittingly making her return against Loughborough Lightning in February, the same team against whom she had suffered the injury.
While she has now been back for two months, it took until the Allianz Cup semi-final clash with Gloucester-Hartpury ten days ago for Pam to feel that she had put it behind her.
Pam played a key role in the 54-28 win, scoring two tries to set up a final against Saracens.
That encounter at Shaftesbury Park will give Bears the chance to finish off a stunning run in the Cup, having hit a half-century of points in every game they have played.
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